Congratulations, your years of hard-work, consensus building, and smiling at ugly babies has finally won you an elected office with some real power. All those noble ideas you’ve been spewing, like a teenager at MTV in Cancun for spring break, can start turning into action! What you may not have known about your new position is that now women want you. Secretaries, interns, poly sci students, they totally dig what you stand for, pretty awesome. Oh, there is another thing you just noticed too, your wife has been getting kind of old, and she didn’t really get the hint you dropped when you bought a treadmill “for yourself.”
Look, you didn’t run on a platform of fidelity to your wife. You ran with the promise of lower taxes and higher spending! A little something for everyone. Your only fidelity now is towards your constituents, and they would want you to be happy. This job is full of hot opportunities (women) and if you are going to take advantage of them then you better be focused and calm. Go ahead, arrange that little secret rendezvous in Buenos Aires, it is for the good of your country… really.
Oh shit, not good. Your top aide just called, some reporters have been asking a lot of probing questions about where you are. They are demanding to see your official flight records and have probably started staking out the local airport. Things are about to get bad, because you are a total fucking sexual deviant. You know that there is nothing wrong with nipple clamps but the press, those ultra liberal bastards, are going to rip into you like a pack of wild piranhas.
Its time to go nuclear, you have gotta save your ass. First, don’t lose control. You are the leader here, your hat has the tallest feather and the widest brim. Second, keep a focused message. Kerry had one and they still nailed him to the hull of a swiftboat for flip flopping, if you start changing stories now, like your mistress blowing in the wind, there is no hope to salvage your political career. You have a couple of options at this point, none of them are fool-proof and it all depends on how much fecal matter just rammed headlong into the fan.
